As we ride the waves of our personal shifts as awakening women something deep, primal and ancestral starts to happen. We start to transmute the ‘dark feminine’, the baggage from our own female lineage so that we can awaken to our divine feminine self.
Not only do we start to tap into our own female lineage but we start to transmute for the collective female consciousness across all space and time.
It’s just part of the process. You can’t opt out of it, it’s what you signed up for in the space between lives.
Yes our earthly relationships with our own mother and grandmother may colour how happy we are with that but it is happening nonetheless.
It used to be that as women we tapped into that collective and ancestral matrix only during our monthly menstruation but now this shift is expanding to fill the is-ness of every moment.
From physical ailments to emotional highs and lows, to relationship issues and patterns we keep repeating, it is all tied into the memory woven deep into our every cell.
My own lineage is one of highly intuitive seers.
I grew up at my great-grandmother’s knee watching her teach my young mum how to read tea leaves. I grew up in a house where I got shuffled off to bed so mum could hold seances and read tarot. Later on in her home hairdressing business she would save the last appointment of the day for anyone who wanted a reading. The door would be locked and she would lead her client into the dining room. She would either bring out her tarot deck or instruct me to make a pot of tea, with loose leaves and no tea strainer!
Sounds wonderful, magical and fun doesn’t it?
My lineage carries a lot of pain and darkness. Those women awakening as light leaders often come from a lineage of pain and darkness and it is our job to transmute that for us and for them. For all.
Those same women who were so gifted and giving were abused, physically and sexually.
They did not love themselves, had low self-esteem and did not embody the divine feminine. They did not practice self-care and carried a lot of sexual shame.
So here I am, the ‘buck stops here girl’ living through intense cycle after intense cycle of fast-track spiritual growth and healing so I can transmute all of that and embody the divine feminine for myself, thus blessing them all and also forward into future generations.
Recently I have had a major surge of divine feminine energy which has brought all of this front and center.
A new intuited logo (the Shakti Flower) was just part of that re-birthing.
Where does the energy come from? Why does it just suddenly download like that? I don’t know. Perfect divine right timing I’m sure.
On Monday after spending time with my birth family, I came home and sobbed. Maybe being with them had triggered it? My belly was swollen, my womb felt so full and ready to burst. I was releasing something, birthing something, but I didn’t know what. All I knew was that I felt raw and vulnerable.
And so I created a sacred space at home. A womb-like space. I cancelled all my work plans, closed the curtains, lit candles and put on gentle music.
In front of my make-shift altar of self-healing I stood and swayed, cradling my belly like a baby and crying big wet tears which gushed down my face and plopped loudly onto the carpet.
I chanted along with sacred music on my Deva Premal CD (‘Essence’) and my heart broke open with such loss and longing.
But it wasn’t longing for my old self, or my ex, or more money or a slimmer body. It was a deep, heart-breaking, soul-scouring longing to be reunited with the BELOVED, the Divine, here and now in this body, in this life.
I felt waves of the grief and homesickness of the disconnection, of the pain of abuse of the feminine that had kept me separate. I just sobbed.
And as I cried I knew I was safe to feel. I didn’t panic and think there was something wrong with me. I didn’t self-criticise and judge myself. I didn’t analyse and try to figure out a reason. I just breathed, felt, cried, gently swayed, chanted and cried some more.
It was holy, it was messy and it was beautiful.
Here is a photo of the sacred space I created for myself on Monday. I even used blu-tak to hold up my incense stick!
Have you had waves of this kind of deep embodiment and healing of ancestral wounds? Have you felt really emotional lately? Leave a comment below and share your experience. I’d love to hear from you.
Lots of love,