Sobbing and healing my female lineage: Reuniting with the BELOVED

 

healing my female lineage

 

As we ride the waves of our personal shifts as awakening women something deep, primal and ancestral starts to happen. We start to transmute the ‘dark feminine’, the baggage from our own female lineage so that we can awaken to our divine feminine self.

Not only do we start to tap into our own female lineage but we start to transmute for the collective female consciousness across all space and time.

It’s just part of the process. You can’t opt out of it, it’s what you signed up for in the space between lives.

Yes our earthly relationships with our own mother and grandmother may colour how happy we are with that but it is happening nonetheless.

 

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It used to be that as women we tapped into that collective and ancestral matrix only during our monthly menstruation but now this shift is expanding to fill the is-ness of every moment.

From physical ailments to emotional highs and lows, to relationship issues and patterns we keep repeating, it is all tied into the memory woven deep into our every cell.

My own lineage is one of highly intuitive seers.

I grew up at my great-grandmother’s knee watching her teach my young mum how to read tea leaves. I grew up in a house where I got shuffled off to bed so mum could hold seances and read tarot. Later on in her home hairdressing business she would save the last appointment of the day for anyone who wanted a reading. The door would be locked and she would lead her client into the dining room. She would either bring out her tarot deck or instruct me to make a pot of tea, with loose leaves and no tea strainer!

Sounds wonderful, magical and fun doesn’t it?

My lineage carries a lot of pain and darkness. Those women awakening as light leaders often come from a lineage of pain and darkness and it is our job to transmute that for us and for them. For all.

 

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Those same women who were so gifted and giving were abused, physically and sexually.

They did not love themselves, had low self-esteem and did not embody the divine feminine. They did not practice self-care and carried a lot of sexual shame.

So here I am, the ‘buck stops here girl’ living through intense cycle after intense cycle of fast-track spiritual growth and healing so I can transmute all of that and embody the divine feminine for myself, thus blessing them all and also forward into future generations.

 

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Recently I have had a major surge of divine feminine energy which has brought all of this front and center.

A new intuited logo (the Shakti Flower) was just part of that re-birthing.

Where does the energy come from? Why does it just suddenly download like that? I don’t know. Perfect divine right timing I’m sure.

On Monday after spending time with my birth family, I came home and sobbed. Maybe being with them had triggered it? My belly was swollen, my womb felt so full and ready to burst. I was releasing something, birthing something, but I didn’t know what. All I knew was that I felt raw and vulnerable.

And so I created a sacred space at home. A womb-like space. I cancelled all my work plans, closed the curtains, lit candles and put on gentle music.

 

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In front of my make-shift altar of self-healing I stood and swayed, cradling my belly like a baby and crying big wet tears which gushed down my face and plopped loudly onto the carpet.

I chanted along with sacred music on my Deva Premal CD (‘Essence’) and my heart broke open with such loss and longing.

But it wasn’t longing for my old self, or my ex, or more money or a slimmer body. It was a deep, heart-breaking, soul-scouring longing to be reunited with the BELOVED, the Divine, here and now in this body, in this life.

I felt waves of the grief and homesickness of the disconnection, of the pain of abuse of the feminine that had kept me separate. I just sobbed.

And as I cried I knew I was safe to feel. I didn’t panic and think there was something wrong with me. I didn’t self-criticise and judge myself. I didn’t analyse and try to figure out a reason. I just breathed, felt, cried, gently swayed, chanted and cried some more.

It was holy, it was messy and it was beautiful.

 

 

Here is a photo of the sacred space I created for myself on Monday. I even used blu-tak to hold up my incense stick!

 

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Have you had waves of this kind of deep embodiment and healing of ancestral wounds? Have you felt really emotional lately? Leave a comment below and share your experience. I’d love to hear from you.

 

Lots of love,

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12 thoughts on “Sobbing and healing my female lineage: Reuniting with the BELOVED”

  1. When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox
    and now each time a comment is added I get
    four e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people
    from that service? Appreciate it!

  2. Hi Kim,
    I’m so glad my post helped you in this way. I love how you said “the feelings were there none-the-less”, that’s it exactly. When we get our heads out of the way and just let the feelings be there, even if they don’t make sense (they never do) then the energy can move and transform. So well done for allowing them to flow.
    Lots of love,
    Kimberley ♥

  3. WOW! Thank you so much for sharing. I’ve been going through this on and off for about 20 years – since my mom passed. This past weekend was especially challenging. I am going through a divorce and found myself feeling very angry for changing…spiritually and shifting rapidly from my husband. I know…crazy! But the feelings were there none-the-less. And after reading your blog, I realized that it may not necessarily be my own anger but one passed down through the generations.

    Again, thank you.
    Kim

  4. Wow thanks Karen.
    That makes me happy to hear. For you and for me. I don’t feel like a good writer or anything and do doubt it sometimes. OK so I’m a light turner onner! 🙂
    Lots of love,
    Kimberley ♥

  5. Thanks so much Mary. That means a lot to me because it can be a bit scary to share such personal stuff sometimes. I do feel it in my heart and bones and feel spurred on by knowing that if I can be brave it will help others.
    Lots of love,
    Kimberley ♥

  6. Well……..I love to read your blog because you articulate my feelings so perfectly!!!! LOL!!!! I started my, “the buck stops here” journey about 20 years ago. It has been quite a turbulent and crazy trip. I did not understand what was going on until today. Thank you Kimberley, once again you have turned the light on for me and I am utterly blessed. K

  7. Kim, I learn so much from your experiences, esp the self love. If you are having a bad day or don’t feel quite right you just go “down under” withdraw and self nuture. It is so good to see/hear about how you handle life. Supports me in lettting me know…it’s okay to take of myself and not “soldier on” like nothing is wrong. Thank you for sharing all that you do!

  8. Thanks so much for sharing your amazing experiences Suzy.
    What wonderful ‘work’ you did for your lineage and of course for future generations.
    I am in that across space and time awareness most of the time but this past week has been particularly intense in terms of processing via my body. That sensitivity you felt for the week afterwards, I can sense that was close to how I feel most of the time. I know you wanted to understand my sensitivity. Well it turns out you do.
    Lots of love,
    Kimberley ♥

  9. Thank you Lovejoy,
    How interesting when these things ripple through the shared experience. Shows how we are connected and part of a process bigger than we are.
    Lots of love,
    Kimberley ♥

  10. I’m fascinated to read about your experiences as I have also had brief but intense moments of grief that leave me sobbing but I know it is not my personal grief. I know it is a powerful emotion that comes from me but it is not me, not personally my grief to carry but more a bubbling up from the deep.

  11. Hi Kimberley, my related experience began at Quest two years ago – I went to a ‘taster healing’ session with Mary from Biodynamic Quantum Healing, with no fixed agenda. I mentioned that I wished i didn’t get to angry with my partner and off we went into the process. I was given a ‘spirit shoulder’ to lean on and proceeded to cry as much as any time I can remember. It felt very cathartic. When it was over, Mary told me that the anger I feel is not mine but passed down through my mother from her Grandmother. This didn’t make sense to me, because I knew of no reason why my GGMother would be angry, but the next day I heard words come out of my mouth that i didn’t recognise about ‘feeling abandoned’ by my partner when he was home a little late and I did wonder if this emotion was really mine. I was extremely sensitive, physically and emotionally all that week, after feeling a truly euphoric post-healing high. A month later i found out from my mum that my Great Grandmother had lost her husband when she had 7 children under the age of 14. Truly something to feel angry and abandoned about. I feel very privileged to have been part of this process and am very keen to do more of this ancestral work when the time is right. Really lovely to be reminded in this blog of the power of this work and the feeling of rightness it can bring, even in the midst of apparent turmoil. Wishing you gentle recovery time.

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