Do you give too much? Is it always you that makes the effort?
We loving, caring, sensitive souls can end up giving our power away and falling into the trap of over-giving. But why?
Sometimes we are caught in the pattern of rescuer/victim. Of trying to save people and prevent their pain. Often we’ve been raised to be the ‘good girl’ or ‘good boy’ in order to gain parental approval and love.
And sometimes it’s because we’re lightworkers, healers and empaths who can feel the pain of others and simply want to share love and to be of service.
Empaths in particular need to be extra aware of their boundaries. It’s easy to leak energy and lose yourself into the needs of another.
12 years ago I was doing well, feeling good, assertive, confident, healthy and strong and very much determined never to give my power away to another person again. I’d been in a destructive relationship and had just got my shizz back together and was determined to stay well.
Then I fell in love.
Somehow, ever so slowly, despite my best intentions and without even knowing, I bit by bit lost parts of myself. I put someone else’s needs and feelings before my own so consistently without refuelling and reconnecting with myself that I didn’t realise my life force was draining away. I didn’t get enough time on my own or remember all my self-care practices, and even when I did remember, it was never enough.
So what can we do about it?
Get more space between you and other people. Empaths need lots of time alone, preferably in nature.
Empaths need to sleep alone regularly, so they can regroup and come back to themselves again.
Don’t hug, speak or smile if you don’t want to.
Don’t say yes if you don’t want to
Don’t answer the phone if you don’t want to
Get vocal! Other people (non-empaths) have no idea how they are affecting you, its blinkin obvious to us so we assume they must know what they’re doing and how it makes us feel. They don’t! Let them know.
Invest in self-care. Go for Reiki, a massage, sit in a hot tub, walk on the beach, have a night away on your own, ask family to babysit or petsit and get some time alone. CLAIM the ‘you time’, don’t wait to see what time or money is left over after you’ve put everyone else first.
Remember, what an empath thinks of as selfish is actually just regular self-care and self-respect. It’s OK to pull back a bit.
Look at any patterns of people-pleasing or co-dependence and do the inner work to heal those patterns.
Allow yourself to receive and fill up to overflowing. Only give away what overflows and runs down the sides and which you don’t need for your own core health and wellbeing.
Learn about energy hygiene and how to cleanse your energy and your home.
Can you relate to this my friend? What have you found helpful in your own life? Comment below to let me know. I love to hear from you.
Lots of love,