Why do women judge themselves?



How many times have you heard a man say “You know, I can’t take a leap and set up that business because I’m not good enough, I need to lose weight and I just know I’ll fail anyway so what’s the point”?

Personally I’ve never heard that. Have you?

Now, how many times have you heard women put themselves down? How often do you judge yourself as not being ready, not clever enough, not pretty enough, slim enough, wealthy enough, healthy enough, fit enough or experienced enough?

How are you holding yourself back because you don’t think you are good enough?


How are you holding yourself back because you don’t think you are good enough?


Women judge themselves as having failed before they’ve even started. No wonder the numbers of women in upper levels of management or running their own businesses is so low compared to men.

Men don’t let ‘imperfections’ hold them back so why do we?

Now I don’t want to be seen as all bra-burny on you here because I love our beautiful men, however……..without a doubt we women carry cellular memories deep within us of the thousands of years of being treated as worthless because of our gender.

Things may have improved hugely in the last 100 years for some of us and it would be easy for us to sit in our cosy western lives and assume everything is OK now. However you only have to look at how women are still treated all over the world to see that equality is a long way off.


Men don’t let ‘imperfections’ hold them back so why do we?


Personally I don’t see myself as ‘less than’ because I’m a woman but the prejudice is still there, often insidious and sometimes unspoken; the last taboo of discrimination that no one wants to talk about for fear of being seen as a bra-burning feminist.

Even those of us who are educated, independent and strong women encounter sexism daily and are affected by the evidence of the abuse of women all over the world. Women killed for showing their faces, for speaking, for seeking education.

The fact that women are still treated like that in OUR world, today, right now in 2013 is not something I am immune to just because I have freedoms. It still registers on my radar that my sense of self as a woman is not reflected faithfully by the world I live in and that there are people in the world who still see women as worth less/worthless.


It still registers on my radar that my sense of self as a woman is not reflected faithfully by the world I live in


So to step up and shine as a woman there are layers of stuff to work through, whether you are aware of it or not, layers that men simply don’t have to deal with.

We don’t have thousands of years of running the world and energy fields of empowering legacy and freedoms to slot into and ride like men have. I’m not talking about perception here, I’m talking about reality. I’m talking about where those issues and fears stem from that hold perfectly capable women back from being all they can be.

When I mentor and help women wanting to be free to create their best life and step into their true purpose, one of the first ‘pain body’ healing kick-backs we encounter is a deep layer of “no you can’t” and this goes way beyond any personal experiences, family history or how the media and magazines manipulates us to not feel good enough.

Often when I start to help a woman align with her true passions and purpose a deep healing begins and we start to tap into an intense and seemingly irrational fear, one that goes beyond fear of failing. We encounter a layer of energy held within them that touches into some kind of collective memory of being persecuted or even executed for being a woman in her true feminine power.

Is it a past life? Is it some kind of recording held in the stuff of things in this world, a stored memory of all the times women have been stopped, blocked, abused and killed just for being women and being powerful?




We are not our history. It has mighty value but it is does not define us and it ought not to define our future
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What I do know is that women often have deep stuff to work through even to get to the point of believing they are good enough to think about working for themselves, to run a business, to make a film, to stand out in her family or community and to be fully seen.

Knowing this can be very helpful. Knowing this allows us to face this stuff, embrace it, understand it, forgive it and transform it rather than buy into it and let it hold us back.

We chose to incarnate as women. Our role as beings of spirit wearing this fleshy costume is to remember who we truly are and to rise above the old, carving a new groove for our daughters, nieces, grand-daughters and great grand-daughters.

We are not our history. It has mighty value but it is does not define us and it ought not to define our future.

Awareness of how past personal or collective pain can affect us and hold us back is central to our empowerment. There are energy pathways and conditioned fields of energy that hold records of this history and as we awaken as women we will meet them and dissolve them.


You are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings and you are not your past.


Remember, men never hold themselves back or worry about putting something unfinished or imperfect out into the world so why should we? They don’t fear prejudice simply for being men daring to follow their dreams, so why do we?

Let’s start creating a new legacy right now. And as the fear comes up, just breathe and don’t buy into it.

You are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings and you are not your past.

If you want your life to be a certain way go and get it and keep breathing. When you encounter prejudice, breathe and remember it’s just an old story that doesn’t limit you or define you. When you feel fear, just breathe. Just do it and keep breathing.

You have a power within you beyond anything that can be imagined. The world needs empowered women.

Women who are fulfilled, courageous, intuitive, wealthy and successful tend to use their resources and position to serve others and strengthen their communities where men as a rule don’t, that’s just a statistical fact. (Sorry guys, I love you but it’s true).


If you feel a calling, passion and longing to do and be something then go and get it.


You are a beautiful, capable woman and the world needs you to shine. Your sisters who live in countries where they are not free need you. They need you to make full use of your freedoms, to enjoy them and to make a difference.

You are here to be big and brave and bold and to be you in any shape, size or colour. Don’t wait until you are thinner, happier, live in a different house, have more money, feel more confident, until your kids have left home or until your parents don’t need you. If you feel a calling, passion and longing to do and be something then go and get it. Grab it. It’s your life to shape and create.

You are good enough right now, just as you are and right where you are.

Here’s an empowering affirmation for you to be saying to yourself over and over. Use it for 21 days to wire in a new neural pathway, establish a new belief and to start attracting and creating a new reality for yourself:

“I……(your name)….am good enough just as I am right now”

And then take just one step today towards what you really want. It may be sending an email, applying for a course or buying a book. Just take action, one little step, and then tomorrow take another little step and keep taking little steps.

With each step just notice how you feel, breathe and remember not to let fear hold you back. Don’t give up on yourself. You are worth it.

You are good enough.

You can do this.

You are not alone.

We are awakening together.


Can you relate to these issues? Do you have something to share? We’d love to hear it. Please leave your comments below and let’s empower each other!

Lots of love,

kim signature copy



‘The Power of YES: Why you lose parts of yourself and how to get them back!’




4 thoughts on “Why do women judge themselves?”

  1. Hi Suzy,
    Thanks so much for your comment. Yes we have so much programming to let go of and overcome (we can do it). If we are judging ourselves and women are judging each other, how can we expect the wider society to reflect anything different? That is a good point you have raised for me too. And you have also narrowed it down beautifully when you highlight that it is in fact the FEMININE (not only the female) that has been judged as less than. It is the inner, the subtle, the unseen stuff of all life, the intuitive, sensual, creative, elusive, indefinable something that determines the state of the physical and yet we dismiss it as we build mighty commercial temples to the masculine and material. The feminine without the masculine is groundless. The masculine without the feminine is soulless. Is this the dance of our time? To bring both into harmony within us so it can exist in harmony in our world?
    Lots of love,
    Kimberley ♥

  2. Kimberly, this is is such a thought provoking article. I marvel over and over at the levels of doubt I experience. And I can’t bear the little voice in my head that judges other women as harshly as i judge myself for just ‘being a woman’. I feel so conditioned to appreciate and want masculine approaches to life. Even though I KNOW the value of the feminine and want it, somehow I trust the masculine more easily, because I’ve been taught to. I hadn’t stopped to think about the ‘field’ and how we are all affected by what has been happening for millennia. Thank you.

  3. Hi Helena,
    Thanks so much for stopping by, I really appreciate it and love your writing.
    I hear you about the bra-less thing. Not a good look and rather uncomfortable 🙂
    Yeh, I use the “bra burning” line with a bucket of irony and with my tongue wedged firmly in my cheek as I’m sure you know.
    We do have a long way to go and considering the barrage of put downs that saturate the media and western consumerism, plus a less than equal legacy I think women are awesome warriors leading and shaping the future in so many ways. When I think about how much we have going against us globally and ancestrally (you mention much of it in your comment) I marvel at our resilience.
    Thanks again.
    Kimberley ♥

  4. I have been a feminist all my life – I mean I think I decided I was one at 16. Which means 30 years and I have never burned my bra!! It is very uncomfortable to dance or run for the bus without one and I LOVE dancing! Nor have I ever seen anyone else burn their bra either… Just thought I would mention that as it is an old patriarchal way of putting feminists down.
    Equality so far has just meant women are able to compete on a supposed level playing field as men – and are ‘allowed’ to be mothers too. Apparently we can ‘have it all’. What this really means is that we ‘do it all’. Motherhood is not considered work, but mums work all the time. Childrearing – the most important job in the world – is deeply devalued… oh, I could go on and on! But you are right, we are up against a HUGE set of beliefs held deep in our collective consciousness that women are inferior and women’s bodies and sexuality are somehow dirty and shameful. (Fundamentalist Christianity, Islam and Judaism have been peddling this stuff for a mere 2,000 years). I think this goes some way to explain why we have such self-esteem issues. Because it is implied that we are already born ‘bad’, hormonal, flappy, nervous, dumb ‘girly’ etc. Either that or witches and bitches. Note there is no male equivalent for these terms and certainly no equivalent for slut or slapper.
    Anyway, thank you for your great insights once again and for supporting us all during this big shift. Not so long ago the papers were calling the 90s a ‘post-feminist’ era. Ladies, we have barely begun!

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