Why are you playing small?

 

playing small

 

Do you know how precious and amazing you are? I wonder if you realise how your energy and your presence around others is affecting them and how valuable that is?

I’ve had a real life angel walk into my life recently to remind me that my energy, my vibe, my heart and simply my presence can totally change how someone is feeling and remind them of who they are. And I know you can do the same.

 

The other day I was getting ready to call someone on Skype. There were the usual delays, the pesky egg-timer on the screen, the call didn’t go right through and I could feel a hint of frustration as my belly tightened and my laptop screen froze.

As I allowed the tech gremlins and tech angels to battle it out I sat back and took a breath.

I wanted my energy to be in a good space to speak with this special person, I take responsibility for my energy and my effect on others and I was concerned that my tech issues would spill over onto them and I didn’t want them wobbled by my slight irritation.

But before I could get back to my center and feel calm again the call started and there we were connected and in each other’s energy space. Cue slight sense of panic and another deep breath.

 

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Would she notice how I was feeling? Would she pick up on my momentary panic? Should I tell her how I was feeling? Was I ready for this session? Was I good enough?

All of this happened in just a split second, it was fleeting, it was urgent and all I could do was trust and let go. “All in perfect Divine right timing remember Kimberley” my soul self chirped. OK. Got it. It’s fine. Just show up as you are. That’s it. Good.

As the call started I could not have foreseen what would happen….

 

My friend did not pick up on my moment of technological angst. Not at all.

In our first few words simply saying hello and checking in she had tears rolling down her face. She didn’t understand why. We hadn’t even got into our ‘work’ yet (or so it seemed).

She explained to me that the moment we were together, connected on Skype and she could feel my energy, her heart opened, something shifted inside her and the tears came.

Now this is a powerful woman who is very experienced, very open and spiritually aware and has (as many of us have) worked with a lot of healers etc over her lifetime. Yet she said she had never had this happen before.

 

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She told me how over the years she has spoken to many experts on certain personal issues and never once come close to the depth and power of the shift she experienced just by being in my energy. In fact she was insistent that I should be fully aware of this effect I have on people and value it much, much more.

I have to just say this was a collaborative call and not a client session, there was no intention do healing/energy/spiritual work (as if you can control that!) but you see what I mean? It just happened.

She asked me if I was aware of how powerful my energy is and if I knew that I had this effect on people, without having to do or say anything.

I replied that I had known it once and that I knew it deep down but somehow had come to undervalue it recently.

 

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Okay I’m going to share something with you now, and I can feel my reluctance to as I sit here typing, I can feel those fears of sounding like a crazy egomaniac surfacing and of having people judge me and attack me. But I have to share this because I know YOU are also beautiful and powerful my friend and I know that you also doubt it and hide it sometimes….

I have seen people pass out onto the floor in front of my energy art as I stood with them in a loving space, I have had countless people burst into tears as soon as they meet me, when I was younger travelling on the bus to school and work I would always end up with the stranger sat next to me who out of nowhere would pour out their life story and be crying by the time I got off the bus. I hadn’t said or done anything! There was a time in my life when people would pay me, buy me meals or gifts etc just so they could hang out with me and be in my energy. I know I bring stuff up for people in a healing way just by being with them. I have seen it. I know this about myself.

 

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So why do I hide it, undervalue it, keep quiet about it?

Why am I not ‘out there’ on a stage with Oprah or with my own internet TV show? Why am I not known like Eckhart Tolle or Mooji or Amma?

I had to ask myself these questions. This experience on the call with my friend brought so much up for me. I know it’s time for me to confront this.

The thing is I see everyone as this same powerful being of love. I don’t see myself as being different from them. Of course what I am coming to acknowledge is that other people see me as being different, other people experience my energy in a powerful way, even if I don’t really get it.

Also I come from a humble background of poverty and abuse and maybe I don’t want people to think I’m an egomaniac. I’ve had an old programming bubbling up these past few days of “Who do I think I am?”

I can also feel the deep and ancient echoes of the wounded feminine bring up fears of raising my head above the parapet.

 

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AND finally, like many of you, I am highly sensitive. Being in my fullest, expanded, powerful self out in the world is beautiful but incredibly intense for someone with enhanced senses, someone who is intuitive, empathic and with a body that feels EVERYTHING.

I am not separate from my body like many people are, I cannot drive it around like a car, pushing it on and on wherever I want it to go. I must consider it in all my choices and actions. I experience my physical life, FULLY.

So these are some of the thoughts and feelings that are surfacing for me as I prepare to step up to a new level of myself. I won’t let them get in the way but I do acknowledge them and honour them.

 

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So back on the call, my colleague was fervently telling me how powerful my effect on her was and how she’d never felt anything like it. So gentle yet totally transforming. She has also sent me several emails now reinforcing the effect I have had on her. I worked with someone close to her a few years ago which changed that lady’s life so she keeps reminding me of that too.

Why is this happening now?

I am clearly being invited to step further into my power and to fully ‘own’ my gifts. Many of you lovely friends reading this now have walked with me these past 10 years as I have stepped up in my life and work bit my bit, come out of hiding bit by bit, even as my life fell apart time and again. And now it’s time for more. I am being reminded that it is an act of humility and not ego inflation to step up and serve, be fully me and share what I came to share. Me.

I realise that in recent years I have been defining myself by my background, my birth family, my childhood neighbourhood and what certain people think of me rather than my spiritual essence. In summary I have been playing small. And we all know what Marianne Williamson thinks about THAT:

 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

 

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So I am practicing a new affirmation, feel free to use it too my friend:

My shining presence is enough to make people feel happy and whole.

Just by showing up I help shift things for people, sometimes big things, lifelong things, that were simply waiting for a gentle, non-judgemental space of unconditional love.

I am enough. Just as I am. No effort required.

I just show up and shine. I don’t need to understand it. Just be. Being is enough. My beingness is priceless.

Love changes lives.

I am humble enough to accept this and no longer hide it.

 

My ‘ah-ha! moment’: I have realised that because I am now openly declaring my work to be to help women step up and out of their own ‘spiritual closet’ so they can shine in the world, I must first walk my talk and move fully through that myself. Of course! Doh!

And yes this brings up a lot for me. I have spent a lot of time around people who put me down, saw me as small, criticised me, used me, projected their stuff onto me and didn’t see me and so this is a challenge (how about you? sound familiar?). Believing in myself again after my life and love relationship of 10 years fell apart 2 years ago is a challenge. Stepping into my own light is a challenge. But I’ve done it before in this body, in this life and I will do it now.

Will you join me?

Make sure you are signed up at the top right of this page to join me on this journey….

We are awakening together.

Lots of love,

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Can you relate to what I have shared my friend? Please leave your comments below. I love to hear from you.

 

 

 

14 thoughts on “Why are you playing small?”

  1. Hello! I’m Andreea and I’m new here, on Kimberley’s platform for women. I haven’t read it all yet but I am loving the energy of the people here. I am not very chatty by nature. I can’t say much about myself. It’s always something new to add. I used to like to talk much but one day I realized that my creations speak best of who I am and convey best the message I’m suppose to share. Because each creation is an entire experience intelligently expressed through divine inspiration from my Guardian Angel to whom I am forever grateful for His patience and support.
    With regards to this post, I think we can never realize the amount of our brightness because at any moment in time it will be just the right amount for us we are to shine. It will never be more than we become slowly accustomed to. It will be gradual. There is so much to think about, analyze and disscus which at times might become overwhelming. Remember, return to your heart, meet your Guardian Angel and rest for a while … Home. Return to feeling love and appreciation for all things you love.
    Bless ~ * ~

  2. Bless you Suzy. Thanks for that and your vision is perfect, that is exactly what I am creating. I have the most amazing women in my tribe, welcome, you are one of them! Yes, sharing and being as transparent as possible is my particular way of empowering others. Thanks for being here.
    Lots of love,
    Kimberley ♥

  3. Hi Kimberley,
    I just want to say that I follow your blog and site because I feel very attuned with your messages of self-empowerment and the energy you bring to these issues is a gentle one that speaks to my heart. I also feel as though I have been playing it small when I am a sensitive soul and have been struggling with what my contribution might look like in the world. So thank you for being so open and honest with your journey so that I can relate to your human way of being in this sometimes confounding world. You make me feel less odd and I imagine a growing community of heart-centred women who need to hear each others’ stories gathering around to support one another.
    Cheers,
    Suzy

  4. You are wonderful, Kimberley. Sing it from the rooftops. When you shine, you create a space for others to do the same. I love you so dearly.

  5. Hi Erin,
    Thanks for posting.
    You know, to be honest, there are some questions that just don’t have answers yet or maybe never will. It is OK for some things to be mysteries.

    As far as your weight, I am the same. Even when stick thin I weigh twice as much as friends the same size. I can’t answer the question of why in terms of your bone density because I am not qualified to. I know that having asked the question about my weight for myself my ‘team’ told me it is to help keep me grounded on the earth and in my body. With the intensity of my awakening I would have taken off if my body was not quite heavy!

    In terms of gaining weight and energy etc, my sense of this (and it isn’t always the case and not for everyone), is that as we take in more light we start to expand, like a balloon being filled with water and this can manifest physically. As this light absorbs into our cells and we learn what to do with it in terms of perhaps creative or spiritual work, it can ease. Earthing/grounding that energy downwards into the earth can also really help.

    That has been my experience anyway but there are so many factors affecting weight and body size that I cannot give you an answer here to issues that can be affected by so many factors personal to you and your path. Big sweeping general answers are not always helpful and I’m not surprised you haven’t found answers to such complex questions. I would be wary of anyone claiming to have one big answer to those questions without knowing a lot more about your health, body, life, family history, energy etc.

    Thanks for asking such great questions. Maybe finding the answers to those questions is the breeze that will steer the ship of your life’s purpose. It’s OK to live with the question and to let it guide you.
    Lots of love,
    Kimberley ♥

  6. One thing I am wondering about is, that nobody seems to be able to answer for me so far (psychics, intuitives, etc) is what happens to the energy matrix in our bodies when we meditate more, let more light in, visualize ourselves as pillars of light with perfectly functioning DNA… the more I meditate and see my chakras working perfectly, I just keep gaining weight.. Do our bodies become more crystallized and heavier inside as a result? I had my blood work done a few years ago by a Quantum company.. they said I had trapezoid crystals in my blood but nobody can explain what or why they are there.. this was over 6-7 years ago. I cannot find any answers. My bloodwork is all normal anyway other than that but no explanations can be found. Also, it seems that for my “weight” and what it is, that I should be 2-3 times the size I am “visually” so I am wondering if it’s an internal bone/density weight??? (Other people who weigh less than me – even 50 pounds less or more.. are often much larger than me).

  7. Thanks Sigrun, what a lovely sharing and thanks so much for your kind words. I appreciate that.
    Lots of love,
    Kimberley ♥

  8. AW, dear Esther, you moved me to tears too!
    Bless you. Thank you and thank you for all YOU do.
    Your warmth and love mean a lot to me.
    Lots of love,
    Kimberley ♥

  9. Hi Kimberley, so you are finally GETTING IT eh? I am so very happy to watch you grow and especially grateful for your sharing of it. You are a wonderful, amazing, most genuine soul and I can understand why people would naturally open up when they are around you. Your posts always resonate on some level with me but this one was really powertul, and brought tears to the back of my eyes as I read it. That is my way of knowing the truth of what you say, it releases emotions in me and it must be doing the same for a lot of others too judging by the previous comments. You are like a baby phoenix rising from the ashes and you inspire me to keep on keeping on with the invaluable service we are obviously providing for our brothers and sisters all over this gorgeous planet of ours. Much love, gratitude and admiration Esther +

  10. This was great to read! For too long I have wanted to ignore the fact that I impact people just by being near them. I am a powerful sender of thoughts and I receive a lot too. Just thinking that someone walking somewhere in front of me should tuck in their shirt makes them tuck in their shirt without even turning around! Just as an example. As a child, people would tell me all sorts of things and wonder why they were pouring out their hearts to a little girl. And I know that I have toned across a lousy Skype connection to make it work and it cleared up immediately. Well, untold examples… I has been foolishness and immaturity on my part not to take more responsibility for what I send out. Luckily, life brought me tone healing and my heart forces now pour out so that I get untold help from people around me, the best possible service from complete strangers over the phone etc. Just because my delight pours into them. As my heart opened, my body got fatter, rounder. I let go of the exosceleton. I am born in the month of Scorpio. A fallen angel, my tone healing teacher called me. Wings ripped off against my will and thrust into a world I didn’t want to be in. Well, I have worked harder than hard to rejoin the ever present angels around me, to learn to love and be grateful for their protection while I struggle with my darkness, and to enjoy our cooperation when I felt ready to start healing work. Again and again, we need that reminder. Thank you again for reminding me. One of the goals of the tone healing path I took is to be so attuned to my inner God glow that just being there changes people. You are there already, have been for a long time. I am glad you are and I support your remembering that.

  11. Thanks gorgeous Kimberley. This post is so wonderfully inspiring. And yes, I too have been fortunate enough to experience your wonderful healing power.
    Evie. Xx

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